DEAD THING DETECTIVE

Came around the corner and caught the dog sneaking out of T's bedroom. I know her, she was on his bed. Then I realize she has something hanging out of her mouth. "Dang it! She's chewing up something of his." I grab the fuzzy rope hanging out of her mouth. "Drop it, Gany. Drop it."

Then I see them, two little feet are also dangling out of her mouth. Aaaaakkk!!

A rat. I have hold of a rat's tail. No, rats don't have hairy tails. A mouse tail. No. It's way too big. Shriek, shriek:"Out, Gany, out. Outside!" OMG did she kill that thing in the house? What the **** is it? I lock her out. Maybe having a dog door is a bad idea. Maybe that thing came into the house THROUGH THE DOG DOOR.

But of course, I took a pic. I thought my budding biologist could ID the tail. You know, the way an archaeologist can tell you where absolutely anything came from.

Strip the sheets on T's bed. No blood, no dog drool, no dead thing imprint. Whew! She just had it in her mouth. Hadn't had time to drop on the bed. She must have brought it in from outside.

She won't eat a dead thing in her own bed, too gross for a dog. But she'll use somebody else's. Ugghh.

She's scratching to come back in. No dead thing hanging out of her mouth anymore. I let her in. I better find the dead thing before she brings it back in or eats it then pukes and shits it all over the carpet. Lock her in this time. Find my shoes, grab MANY plastic grocery bags (environmentally bad, but those are handy), AND my iPhone, head down the steps and there it is on the first landing.

Eeeeoooo. I had my hand on it. So I text the pic to T. "What's this dead thing?" 

"I have no idea!"

I trash the dead thing. T later digs it out and gives it a look. "Maybe it's juvenile squirrel," he ventures. "Something from the rodent family." 

All I can say is --- for sure for sure for sure --- it's not a form of skunk, is it?

YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE

The state of Maine may lay claim to this saying, but it's mine today. Here's Travis's Spring Break 2012 travel itinerary:

Depart for Spring Break, Saturday, Mar 10:

• 6:45 AM Arrive Easterwood Airport to board American Airlines flight to Albuquerque via Dallas.
• 6:50 AM Learn the flight was oversold. No seat for T. Next flight out also oversold. Only a bird is going to fly out of College Station anytime soon.
• 9:00 AM Take a TAXI for the 2-hour drive to Austin, TX, to catch a flight to Dallas and connect to Albuquerque. FYI: for those of you watching my pennies, American paid for the taxi. They have a contract with the guy. Apparently they need him a lot.
• 5:00 PM Arrive in Albuquerque. With a time zone change, it's a full 12 hours after arriving at the airport for first oversold flight. Couldn't have driven the distance in that time, but nearly.

After a week in Farmington "packed" with fun, T is set to return to Texas A&M, Sunday, Mar 18:

• 9:00 AM Depart Farmington, NM, for 3-hour drive to Albuquerque Sunport. 

DIGRESSION: I love the airport's name. Sounds like space travel. We do have alien visitation (real aliens, not Mexicans) in New Mexico, so we are a natural for space travel. We New Mexicans own the first commercial spaceport in the world, Spaceport America, a mere 30 miles SE of Truth or Consequences. Would I lie? 

We have the New Mexico Space Authority. Take THAT Texas, you don't have your own Space Authority! Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic is booking flights NOW! Anyone can go. Just click here.


A $20,000 deposit is required. But it is refundable if you have buyer's remorse.


Back to the real travels and travails of Travis:

• 12:30 PM Arrive at airport for check-in. ALL FLIGHTS have been cancelled or delayed. 

What?! There is no snow.  Joe and Travis were ahead of the predicted snowstorm by hours. But there is  this:

Wind uprooting trees, toppling billboards, Arizona blowing in and reducing visibility to less than half a mile. Maybe jet engines sucking in dirt is also a problem. I know my lungs don't like it. 

Next spot out of Albuquerque to Texas? Maybe Tuesday!

• 2:00 PM on the road to Santa Fe where a seat on a flight to Dallas is available late Monday morning. Better to hole up in Santa Fe if it snows tonight.
• 5:00 PM at a showing of John Carter at the Regal Santa Fe Stadium. There wasn't enough Arizona dirt in the New Mexico air for those two. They had to watch a movie about Mars, the desert planet, filmed just a few miles west in Utah. 

I need a drink of water.

Denise's Book Bag: Second in the Series

Four great books that cannot be read as a straight arc of storyline: 

A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. Throw out expectations and go for the ride. A truly imaginative telling. I thought the title sounded horribly uninteresting. Pay attention so you'll know what the Goon Squad is.

Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. Falls into that magical realism sort of category (common in Latin American fiction, but this one is Japanese). Some bits are never explained, revisited, or resolved, but once you accept that you are in a world Murakami invented instead of one you understand, you'll be OK.

The Blind Assassin By Margaret Atwood. Very interesting laying out of the stories which only seem to have no relation to one another. Each story on it's on isn't that remarkable, but It was interesting the way Atwood wove them together.

100 Years of Solitude (Cién Años de Soledad) Gabriel García Márquez. A metaphorical history of Columbia, told through the generations of the Buendía family. Extraordinary events fill this story, best described as magical realism. 

DITTO!

I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned Rush Limbaugh on Facebook. And I should have known I’d get sucked into the black hole of Dittoheadism. 

Is Rush  an entertainer? Is he a comedian? Is he providing commentary on modern politics? Is he actually giving his opinion? Is he voicing the frustrations of his followers?  

Is he simply being sarcastic? According to dictionary.com sarcasm means: ". . . ridicule or mockery used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes." No doubt, Limbaugh was using sarcasm when he described Sandra Fluke as a slut and a prostitute: harsh, crude, contemptuous, and for destructive purposes. 

Was Rush being absurd in order to point out the absurdity of Fluke discussing “personal sexual recreational activities” before Congress as he states in his website apology to her? His commentary was definitely absurd. Absurd because it had nothing whatsoever to do with her testimony. 

The subject of her testimony was the requirement that insurance companies make available coverage for women’s birth control. The required coverage was not a cost to any taxpayer. Nor did the requirement for coverage force  any institution religiously opposed to birth control to pay for the birth control. It was only about making coverage available. Watch the video. Her testimony runs from the 15:20 to the 26:00 mark. Or read the transcript.

You should also read Rush’s transcript. He didn’t start the bullshit of equating Fluke’s birth-control-coverage-access testimony to “having so much sex” it’s hard to pay for contraception. Craig Bannister on CNSnews.com did in “Sex Crazed Coeds . . . ”. --- Side note to Bannister and Limbaugh: Birth control pills are taken one a day, regardless of how many times a woman “does it” or doesn’t “do it.” It’s erectile dysfunction pills that must be taken every time a man with ED wants to “get it up” so he can “do it.”

Rush took that article and blasted off. The result was screaming people all over the blog universe and radio and TV. Everybody’s thinking the other guy’s an idiot.

Both Bannister and Limbaugh emphasize that women need to take personal responsibility for their actions and the consequences of those actions. Women use birth control because they take personal responsibility for their actions.

Craig Bannister and Rush Limbaugh: You are each personally responsible for your words. When you lie about what was said, when you stir up a tempest in a teapot by implying women sell sex or by actually calling them sluts and prostitutes because they stand up for themselves, you contribute to an atmosphere in our society that is so poisonous that we as a people find it difficult to come together to make important decisions that affect us all.

I’m tired of it. 

I’m saying something about it.

Denise's Book Bag: First in a Series

Because So Many of You Have Asked For It!


I have a lot of recommendable books, but I don't want to dump on them on the blog all at once. Maybe I can manage a weekly posting and link them. I know, that's demanding a lot from my blogging powers. I'm the kind of gal who hates everytime Facebook changes things because THEN I CAN'T FIND what I looking for. Same way at the grocery store.

Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time  Mark Maddon. A wonderfully insightful little story. I won't ruin it for you by telling you anything about it.

Kite Runner By Khaled Hossenini. Pretty good but had some weak points, particularly a scene where the protagonist gets away from his enemy. The pretty good must have outweighed that stupid scene in order for the book to make my very judgemental list.

The Known World By Edward Jones. Amazing. I thought the author had done loads of historical research and based each little detail of the story on primary documents. As in saying, "You can so tell that he researched this county and has all these documents. I know because that's the kind of work I used to do. Historical research. Blah, blah, blah..."  He hadn’t. He had made up the people, the place, the documents, the statistics, then sprinkled in a tiny smidgen of real people and places. I fell for it, that’s how good he was.

Reading Lolita in Terhan by Azar Nafisi. Women are amazing. Many of us anyway. Then's there's always Phyllis Schlafly, Total Woman Marabel Morgan, Sarah Palin, and Michelle Bachman. They are terrifying. Here's a wonderful detail from Reading Lolita in Tehran --- women wear tight jeans and nail polish under their burqas. I'm always for female rebellion against overbearing men!

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy By Douglas Adams. Whacky but wonderful satire on life. Jody and I have loved Adams since early in our relationship. Travis loves his stories too, absoloute proof that our son is very intelligent. 

Miss Wanettey Finds a New Home

I do need to be more attentive to my blog. I blog in my head all the live-long day. I just don't bother to write it down. Just to indicate my inattentiveness . . .  I wrote most of this in early April 2011! It's October and I'm posting it.

from April 2011:
I'm in Snangelo (San Angelo, TX) this week. Moved my little momma to assisted living. It's not just a change for her. It's a big change for me, too. It's a realization that my sister and I are now her mother. Deciding things for her, taking care of things for her, letting her just be, letting people take care of her. Turning her over to Myrtlewood felt like taking my baby to child care. She cried the day before, but at least she didn't cry the day of. She knows I'm coming back.

When Travis was learning to talk, I kept a list of his words and odd phrases: fingernail moon, taco moon, ball moon; paralophus sock, ith, extercize, labtop; I love Daddy from the sidewalk up to the moon. Now I keep a dictionary of Miss Wanettey: light bub, skeered, April fibulation, sleep acne, wooooo chester shire sauce. My most recent favorite, heard by Miss Wanettey's first-born grandson visiting her from Texas A&M: diarrhea-tickle-itis. That is funny on so many levels.

I wouldn't want to see what was in the drinking fountain if . . . .

they hadn't posted this sign.

Posted at the Montrose County (Colorado) Courthouse. Really. It's still the wild, wild west out here. But then again Montrose has a lovely tea and bagel shop.

I'm Trying NOT To Imagine

This sign was posted in the hospital room restroom. What sort of incident must have happened to get the lawyers to tell the hospital to post a weight limit for the toilet?

Where in the World Was Denise?

I had to fly out to visit someone recently. This tag was hanging on the rear view mirror of my rental car. Where do you think I could possibly have been that anyone would need to tell customers not to bump open a gate with the car?

I voted early. I voted for the future.

If by a ‘Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people: their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties... if that is what they mean by a Liberal then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.' -- John F. Kennedy

I like this quote so much I made a wordle out of it.

Laughing helps . . .

How do I explain what you are about to experience?

What kind of pre-schooler would like for his Mom to read Calvin and Hobbes as bedtime stories? The kind Jody and I conceived. When Travis was little, we spent hours and hours and hours imitating this particular strip of Calvin's faces and laughing ourselves to exhaustion. Recently, we were in need of some big laughs to relieve some stress over an outside issue.

I pulled out Calvin and Hobbes and my camera: Mom, you're just like a girl. You get a camera and now you say "Oooooo. Let's take a picture!"

Calvin helped us laugh off the stress. My digital camera means you can look and laugh, too.

This diversion was even more fun with a teenager than it was with a preschooler . . .



We laughed so much we cried . . .

Our sides hurt . . .



Our laughter shook the camera . . .

And of course, I laughed so hard I peed my pants (I've had a baby, that's what happens) . . .

Here's what I have to say to anyone who disses my boy:

I'm a mamma grizzly. You betcha! I guess that qualifies me to run for Senator or Governor or even President.

High Tech in Farmington public schools

His senior year, Travis finally received a free computer from Farmington Municipal Schools. Awesome! I'm thrilled that our public school system is finding its way into the 21st century. It's not his to keep, but it is his to use for the year.

Of course, there are tons of restrictions on the computer: It turns itself off after 10pm (must make sure our little ones get plenty of sleep), where it will go on the internet is severely limited (what if our boys saw a naked woman --- or worse, naked women doing "it" with each other! OK, I support this one. While I believe in freedom of speech, I don't think porn is a good idea for a 17-year-old.) The computer can't access email (huh?), and teachers will not allow students to use their school-supplied computers in class for such heresies as taking notes. Someone might play a game instead of listening. Why there are games on the computer, I'll never understand.

But here's what students can do on the computer:

It's from Photo Booth and Travis and I had a pee-my-pants laughing party Friday night in our Durango hotel room. We were there to get a good night's sleep before the SAT exam at Ft. Lewis College on Saturday morning. I would say he took the exam being well-fed, well-rested, and in a very good mood.

In case any school board member sees this, he brought the computer to work on his college applications and he worked on his essays while I drove to Durango.

And thanks tons for supplying us with entertainment!

OMG! Muslims are under my bed!

If a member of Dutch parliament says it, it must be true. Geert Wilders has been riding through the US screaming "The Muslims are coming. The Muslims are coming!" You know what will happen if Geert succeeds in picking his nose here. His head will cave in.

Someone I know recently sent me this speech that Wilders gave in New York in 2008. His message is "Be afraid, be very afraid."

It’s important to know who Geert Wilders is. Google him. There is a lot to read. He’s been fanning the flames of fear for a long time. I know that what we humans judge as fact is filtered the emotional lens of what we believe. What I see, you might not see.

It wasn’t that long ago, that some politicians --- Joseph McCarthy, Richard Nixon to name only two --- played upon fear of Communism in order to further their political careers. We have lost Communists as the devil du jour. Without the Communist Menace hiding under our beds, fear-mongers need a new bogeyman. It is Muslims for now.

Playing upon the fears of the populace, stoking those fears to a higher heat, is not a new tool for politicians. It has been around for centuries because it works so well. Geert Wilders is making it work for him now.

Muslims refer to their God as Allah. Allah simply means God in Arabic, as does Dios in Spanish, Dieu in French. God is also known as Jehovah and Yahweh. A different name in a different language does not make a different God. Muslims are very clear that the God they worship is the God of the Jews and the God of the Christians.

The word Islam means submission to God --- not submission to Muslims, not submission to conquerors, not submission to tyranny, not submission to slavery. Submission to God. Jesus referred to that same submission to God when he taught us to pray “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” The Kingdom is submission to God’s will.

I could go through Wilders's entire speech and point out many problems, like his lack of understanding of how satellite television works (you don’t point your receiver dish to your country of origin, you point it at the satellite), but it would be a waste of time. However, I am extremely delighted to point out the irony of Wilders's concern that French schools are increasingly choosing not to mention Darwin for fear of offending Muslims. I would guess that many of Wilders's target audience in this country are the same people who oppose the teaching of evolution in our public schools.

If he’s in Washington, DC, on October 30, Geert Wilders might choose to attend the March to Keep Fear Alive --- not understanding that the March is satirizing people like him and the fear-feeding media.

I would choose to attend the Rally to Restore Sanity.

Lost on the space-time continuum

I can tell that I am going to get sucked into this black hole . . . no worse, I will be stuck in the event horizon and never make it to the other side of the universe.